Last night Belle and I spent the night over at momtown. Parrish stays over at our other friend's the Gianotti's - Laura is a good friend of mine and their daughter Hannah is one of his best friends. He would rather be there than with two moms and a 10, 9 and 7 year old. There was another mom there whose kids were with her estranged significant other - a five month old and a year and a half old. She was in a state having let those kids spend the night away for the first time. She is also my massage therapist and a remarkably wise 30 year old - I was so glad to spend time with her. And since some of momtown is with child (at least for now - she hasn't really made any final decisions) Mariel and I drank all the wine and talked, laughed and cried.
I had to get up early to get to Dartmouth (there is a reason it is Ivy League - that place is AMAZING) and take Belle to the Developmental Pediatrician. Which I think I will title "The Place Where I Talk About What Is Wrong With my Daughter". UGH. One of Dante's circles of hell certainly had to be dealing with the specialists when having a special needs child. It is really f'ing hard (I will cuss on my own blog and try to refrain here).
Basically, she needs to have a Neuropsych evaluation which I have known (that will make more specific diagnoses about particular learning disabilites), but it is hard to get insurance or the school district to pay for it. As a part of that she needs to have another IQ test to see what we can expect her to learn. Then we will know if she will go a more traditional educational route (with accomodations) or on a life skills route. FUCK. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. That is some tough shit to hear. I can't believe that we tell our kids all the time that they can do whatever they want and that is more than likely just not true for my little girl. Did I miss something? Is there a special diet or educational intervention that will make all the difference? What can I do better? What have I done wrong?
On the positive side, Belle is still the wonderfully sweet little person she always was. She is funny and kind, silly and loving, intuitive and hard working. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a child. But my heart hurts for her and how the world may treat her. Ladies, I am scared. I don't need her to be a certain way for me, but I need her to be OK.
Thank you Carole (I know, I know, 13 years and I can't remember the E at the end of your name) and Brenda for your words of wisdom. Brenda, you are right, I am dealing with some depression. I tried to cut down on the dosage of zoloft, but clearly right now that is not the best move. Lesson learned. Thank you for being honest with me about that - I appreciate it. I also know I am not eating well (when you are just feeding two kids, it is easier just to slap down what they will eat and kinda stuff your face with whatever) and I need to get to the farmer's market and really make some good choices. There are some basics of taking care of myself I am just not doing.
This weekend Thane is taking Parrish to Buffalo, NY for a scooter competition. Oh - you thought scooters stopped with the razor? I am here to tell you that child has a piece of equipment that cost a fortune. Fortunately, he has gotten most of it free from companies that want him to try out their products and sponsors. I just wanted him to skateboard (and he is quite good at that) but this is really his passion. But he has been asked to film at the skatecamp he attended the last four years - and he'll get paid. So, that's pretty cool. The guy who runs it is the kinda guy that Vermont seems to breed - a man-child who lives in Neverland. Late 30's, never married, snowboard coach who just parties all the time. But he is good with kids and has been a good mentor to Parrish. I could write an entire post about the man-children up here. It is a phenomenon that doesn't seem to cross genders. Because women are better...
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