Parrish around town
Here he is...
We are in a stand-off cause he won't clean his room, no trip to Atlanta (which makes my life much easier).
All is well here - still over a month before school starts. It is cooling down to reasonable temps. My house is like a greenhouse (without air conditioning!) when it is hot. I love summer here when it's like this.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Me, Again
Julie,
I forgot to mention how cool is sounds for Parrish with the skatecamp video and the fact that he gets paid for something he truly loves. That is so great. You're right, I had no idea about the complexity of the scooter. Point me to some U Tube videos of him if there are some. We'd love to take a look.
Brenda
Monday, July 25, 2011
Me, Finally
Julie,
I've been wanting to respond to your post but have been living at work again. I won't even go into it but it sucks! I think I'm done trying to "do it all".
Regarding Belle, I know you know you didn't do anything wrong or that you missed something but we always have to doubt ourselves as moms, don't we? As moms we always want the best for our kids and do want them to do anything they want to do and be anything thing want to be but it doesn't always work out. Jim and I always say if Carter does end up doing something spectacular in life, it will be our fault. He's certainly got the potential. I don't think I ever lived up to my potential, but you know what, who cares? I'm happy with my life. So glad to hear Belle is sweet and wonderful and silly and loving and kind. With you and Thane behind her, it will all work out no matter what lies ahead for her. I can't imagine your frustration navigating specialists and insurance and school needs. I do remember you saying how thankful you were for Dartmouth. It sounds like you are still pleased with what they do. We always learn a lot from the challenges in our lives, that is for sure.
Carole, I know how you feel about the summer flying by. We are headed to DC to visit Jim's family on Thursday and returning Monday 8/1. Carter starts to school the 9th or 10th (can't remember) and guess that is when Jim will start homeschooling Emerson. Should be interesting to say the least. St. Francis enrollment is down so now they only have 3 classes of kindergarten instead of 4. Even if Jim does find a job, now I'm afraid there won't be room for him there. I'm trying not to worry about things I can't control though.
Off to dinner. Brenda
flying time
Just when did it become o.k for time to fly this fast??
I mean...2 weeks left until school begins, seriously now.
kevin is (I hope ) enjoying himself at the methodist camp.
We talked about how much he like the camp befoe he left.
Mom, I want to be a counselor there.
Kevin, it is a Methodist camp, you might need to be of that faith.
O.K. then I will be one then, or i will just tell them i am one.
Kevin, i think there is something wrong with going to a faith based camp and LYING !!!
oh.
list of things to do:
-Find/buy Kevin a guitar and set up lessons.
-Find/buy cowboy boots for Corinne. She came home from camp wanting to join 4-H!!
-Get to La...my dad has had knee surgery. My mom said he and his walker got stuck
in the bathroom. He got weak and slid down the wall.
She had to call my brother to help get him up!!
The youngest of the 4 of us lives in town...if these 2 cannot keep
each other healthy....I will be looking at moving them here???
Not an option at 3541 mimosa.
I have been working more since K and C have camps.
There are some really old and beat up looking 52 yr olds.
Do I look that bad??
later,I am getting hungry...yes, it is 5A but I have been awake since 3:45....went to bed at 9p
c
I mean...2 weeks left until school begins, seriously now.
kevin is (I hope ) enjoying himself at the methodist camp.
We talked about how much he like the camp befoe he left.
Mom, I want to be a counselor there.
Kevin, it is a Methodist camp, you might need to be of that faith.
O.K. then I will be one then, or i will just tell them i am one.
Kevin, i think there is something wrong with going to a faith based camp and LYING !!!
oh.
list of things to do:
-Find/buy Kevin a guitar and set up lessons.
-Find/buy cowboy boots for Corinne. She came home from camp wanting to join 4-H!!
-Get to La...my dad has had knee surgery. My mom said he and his walker got stuck
in the bathroom. He got weak and slid down the wall.
She had to call my brother to help get him up!!
The youngest of the 4 of us lives in town...if these 2 cannot keep
each other healthy....I will be looking at moving them here???
Not an option at 3541 mimosa.
I have been working more since K and C have camps.
There are some really old and beat up looking 52 yr olds.
Do I look that bad??
later,I am getting hungry...yes, it is 5A but I have been awake since 3:45....went to bed at 9p
c
Thursday, July 7, 2011
And then I shall slap a very difficult doctor appointment on the top
Last night Belle and I spent the night over at momtown. Parrish stays over at our other friend's the Gianotti's - Laura is a good friend of mine and their daughter Hannah is one of his best friends. He would rather be there than with two moms and a 10, 9 and 7 year old. There was another mom there whose kids were with her estranged significant other - a five month old and a year and a half old. She was in a state having let those kids spend the night away for the first time. She is also my massage therapist and a remarkably wise 30 year old - I was so glad to spend time with her. And since some of momtown is with child (at least for now - she hasn't really made any final decisions) Mariel and I drank all the wine and talked, laughed and cried.
I had to get up early to get to Dartmouth (there is a reason it is Ivy League - that place is AMAZING) and take Belle to the Developmental Pediatrician. Which I think I will title "The Place Where I Talk About What Is Wrong With my Daughter". UGH. One of Dante's circles of hell certainly had to be dealing with the specialists when having a special needs child. It is really f'ing hard (I will cuss on my own blog and try to refrain here).
Basically, she needs to have a Neuropsych evaluation which I have known (that will make more specific diagnoses about particular learning disabilites), but it is hard to get insurance or the school district to pay for it. As a part of that she needs to have another IQ test to see what we can expect her to learn. Then we will know if she will go a more traditional educational route (with accomodations) or on a life skills route. FUCK. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. That is some tough shit to hear. I can't believe that we tell our kids all the time that they can do whatever they want and that is more than likely just not true for my little girl. Did I miss something? Is there a special diet or educational intervention that will make all the difference? What can I do better? What have I done wrong?
On the positive side, Belle is still the wonderfully sweet little person she always was. She is funny and kind, silly and loving, intuitive and hard working. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a child. But my heart hurts for her and how the world may treat her. Ladies, I am scared. I don't need her to be a certain way for me, but I need her to be OK.
Thank you Carole (I know, I know, 13 years and I can't remember the E at the end of your name) and Brenda for your words of wisdom. Brenda, you are right, I am dealing with some depression. I tried to cut down on the dosage of zoloft, but clearly right now that is not the best move. Lesson learned. Thank you for being honest with me about that - I appreciate it. I also know I am not eating well (when you are just feeding two kids, it is easier just to slap down what they will eat and kinda stuff your face with whatever) and I need to get to the farmer's market and really make some good choices. There are some basics of taking care of myself I am just not doing.
This weekend Thane is taking Parrish to Buffalo, NY for a scooter competition. Oh - you thought scooters stopped with the razor? I am here to tell you that child has a piece of equipment that cost a fortune. Fortunately, he has gotten most of it free from companies that want him to try out their products and sponsors. I just wanted him to skateboard (and he is quite good at that) but this is really his passion. But he has been asked to film at the skatecamp he attended the last four years - and he'll get paid. So, that's pretty cool. The guy who runs it is the kinda guy that Vermont seems to breed - a man-child who lives in Neverland. Late 30's, never married, snowboard coach who just parties all the time. But he is good with kids and has been a good mentor to Parrish. I could write an entire post about the man-children up here. It is a phenomenon that doesn't seem to cross genders. Because women are better...
I had to get up early to get to Dartmouth (there is a reason it is Ivy League - that place is AMAZING) and take Belle to the Developmental Pediatrician. Which I think I will title "The Place Where I Talk About What Is Wrong With my Daughter". UGH. One of Dante's circles of hell certainly had to be dealing with the specialists when having a special needs child. It is really f'ing hard (I will cuss on my own blog and try to refrain here).
Basically, she needs to have a Neuropsych evaluation which I have known (that will make more specific diagnoses about particular learning disabilites), but it is hard to get insurance or the school district to pay for it. As a part of that she needs to have another IQ test to see what we can expect her to learn. Then we will know if she will go a more traditional educational route (with accomodations) or on a life skills route. FUCK. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. That is some tough shit to hear. I can't believe that we tell our kids all the time that they can do whatever they want and that is more than likely just not true for my little girl. Did I miss something? Is there a special diet or educational intervention that will make all the difference? What can I do better? What have I done wrong?
On the positive side, Belle is still the wonderfully sweet little person she always was. She is funny and kind, silly and loving, intuitive and hard working. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a child. But my heart hurts for her and how the world may treat her. Ladies, I am scared. I don't need her to be a certain way for me, but I need her to be OK.
Thank you Carole (I know, I know, 13 years and I can't remember the E at the end of your name) and Brenda for your words of wisdom. Brenda, you are right, I am dealing with some depression. I tried to cut down on the dosage of zoloft, but clearly right now that is not the best move. Lesson learned. Thank you for being honest with me about that - I appreciate it. I also know I am not eating well (when you are just feeding two kids, it is easier just to slap down what they will eat and kinda stuff your face with whatever) and I need to get to the farmer's market and really make some good choices. There are some basics of taking care of myself I am just not doing.
This weekend Thane is taking Parrish to Buffalo, NY for a scooter competition. Oh - you thought scooters stopped with the razor? I am here to tell you that child has a piece of equipment that cost a fortune. Fortunately, he has gotten most of it free from companies that want him to try out their products and sponsors. I just wanted him to skateboard (and he is quite good at that) but this is really his passion. But he has been asked to film at the skatecamp he attended the last four years - and he'll get paid. So, that's pretty cool. The guy who runs it is the kinda guy that Vermont seems to breed - a man-child who lives in Neverland. Late 30's, never married, snowboard coach who just parties all the time. But he is good with kids and has been a good mentor to Parrish. I could write an entire post about the man-children up here. It is a phenomenon that doesn't seem to cross genders. Because women are better...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thoughts for Julie-More than you need/asked for
I think you're right on the money with the thought that going back to something familiar has its comfort, but having a baby at 25 versus 40 will be a big difference. Emerson arrived when I was 43 and I'm just not able to do the things I did with Carter. Of course part of it has to do with the fact that Emerson isn't as easy going as Carter was and my patience isn't what it was 8 years earlier either. I don't regret our decision regarding Emerson. I can't imagine our lives without him and don't feel that I could ever tell anyone not to have children if that is what they really want to do. Just be aware of the major hurdles that await. We all seem to remember the good part, and forget the struggles. Not having your husband on board is a major obstacle as well as having him travel. Been, there, done that (the travel part that is). Not fun which is why I'm working full time now and Jim is at home. Our kids have reached an age when they don't need us like they did in the past, but as grown up as they like to act, they do need us even if it is just in the shadows.
I think the "what are you going to do with your life" thoughts have to do with the age you are approaching. The way I figure it, we've got another 40 years to figure that out. I'm not in a hurry. I remember having to fill out a form for a high school reunion and one of the questions was to list your most important accomplishment (this was a 5 year reunion, I believe). I wrote, "I haven't accomplished it yet". I guess I still feel that way.
The anti-social feelings make me think you may be a bit depressed as well which is totally understandable. Quitting the restaurant is a turning point in your life since you had so much time invested and it was obviously draining based on your posts. I hope you get passed this part. It's not a fun place to be.
I like Carole's thought that challenging yourself provides self esteem and morale. We all need positive reinforcement and unfortunately, it usually comes from outside the home.
Keep us posted, Julie. We know you'll get through this.
Brenda
Crossroads
Well,
I swore I would only work 2 days each week...(this is working out fairly well.)
I also swore we would do something fun on the other days.
I keep making suggestions but get..."I don't know" or maybe....or
can I just play Wii!!
Who am I to tell them what is fun? They really are nicer to each other
when they play it...or computer games.
We are on the down slide towards school starting (Aug 8th)
and I do not want the summer to end with we should have ....
Julie, I will tell you this:
learning something new or challenging yourself is good for your
self esteem and morale.
Look at the most successful people YOU know personally.
It is likely they reinvent themselves when they are in a rut or just plain bored.
It is slow process.
Think of me...when I was 38 and 8 months I had child #1.
At 40 and 9 months I had a premie on an apnea monitor for 9 months.
I am sure you can find something equally as challenging!!
c
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
And in this post I shall over-share
Let me tell you, it really does wear on a person to hear so many stories from people. As a waitress I regularly was privy to having people tell me things as varied as work success to marital strife. Getting trapped in some of the conversations was absolutely no fun at times and was part of what started to wear on me at the job. That and having the just met you/story of my life conversation multiple times a night. I can wrap up my life story neatly in about 1.2 minutes...how many kids I have, how I ended up in Vermont and yes, I am fine with the snow.
But the thing is, my life story is more than that and it is constantly changing. The people around me are constantly changing. Not just the two I gave birth to, but people that are anchors in my life. One dear friend who is going through a divorce is unexpectedly pregnant...by what I kinda thought was the transitional guy I introduced her to. One friend is really in a low spot and not sure where she goes from here and I have another friend who is making some choices that may not be in her best interest. And then there is me...
So, I am going to start this conversation like I did ten years ago when I started weeping in a postpartum haze at Carol's house. Just dump it out. And maybe some of y'all will have some experience because you know I am the baby of the group and this baby is looking over the ledge at forty and not sure where to go from here.
What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Sometimes I think it would be so easy to have another baby and get back into the rhythm of that life of naps and nursing and story-time. There are a couple of problems with this - 1. Thane is not on board - I mean, Gennie just graduated from college and he really doesn't want to start all over again. 2. I repeat - I am almost 40 and not the 25 year old I was when I had Parrish. 3. I like going skiing in the middle of the week and not having anything to do with any one's bathroom activities. But I don't think I will ever not miss the feel of a baby in my arms and at my breast. I loved that period even if it was so physically draining. There is a real draw to go back to what is familiar and cozy.
However, I am thinking unless I want to leave my husband and start the dating process again this is not an option. So, I knew that it was time to quit the restaurant gig, but I am not really sure what I want to do now. I know I need to have some purposeful work that involves people. I know that I love where I live now, but could move again if need be...I am just in the middle of figuring it all out. My kids don't need me so much anymore and I don't want to latch onto their successess and life to find my own sense of value.
My dear friend at the restaurant gave me a book I just finished reading "Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn" by Kris Radish. Go get it if you are in this place with me. I did so much underlining and dog-earing of that book it is ridiculous. I have tried to say yes to life, but am not quite sure what I should be saying yes to right now. So...this is my current plan (because for some reason right now I seem to need one) I am going to start studying for the LSAT in August and plan take it in October. Do I want to be a lawyer? I'm not totally sure. How the hell would I get to law school (the closest being an hour and a half away) and raise my children while my husband is gone all week? I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know I can study for a test and give myself some options.
The other interesting thing is that I am feeling very anti-social. I want to sit in my own personal coccoon of self-reflection and navel gazing. Yesterday our good friends had a BBQ and I only stayed for about an hour. I explained it to Thane like this "I picture myself in the center of a circle with a big windshield wiper blade wiping everyone away from me - sometimes someone can get in, but pretty soon they'll need to leave me be when the blade comes by again". I know part of it is processing change. I have to ruminate and grieve it - yes, even if it was just a waitress job. There is a lot that goes on into working some place for so long and everyone know that a restaurant is a really disfuctional family. I divorced my family.
I do know one thing I am going to do for sure. Skinny dip at night at the local snowmaking pond. There's the end of the over-share.
But the thing is, my life story is more than that and it is constantly changing. The people around me are constantly changing. Not just the two I gave birth to, but people that are anchors in my life. One dear friend who is going through a divorce is unexpectedly pregnant...by what I kinda thought was the transitional guy I introduced her to. One friend is really in a low spot and not sure where she goes from here and I have another friend who is making some choices that may not be in her best interest. And then there is me...
So, I am going to start this conversation like I did ten years ago when I started weeping in a postpartum haze at Carol's house. Just dump it out. And maybe some of y'all will have some experience because you know I am the baby of the group and this baby is looking over the ledge at forty and not sure where to go from here.
What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Sometimes I think it would be so easy to have another baby and get back into the rhythm of that life of naps and nursing and story-time. There are a couple of problems with this - 1. Thane is not on board - I mean, Gennie just graduated from college and he really doesn't want to start all over again. 2. I repeat - I am almost 40 and not the 25 year old I was when I had Parrish. 3. I like going skiing in the middle of the week and not having anything to do with any one's bathroom activities. But I don't think I will ever not miss the feel of a baby in my arms and at my breast. I loved that period even if it was so physically draining. There is a real draw to go back to what is familiar and cozy.
However, I am thinking unless I want to leave my husband and start the dating process again this is not an option. So, I knew that it was time to quit the restaurant gig, but I am not really sure what I want to do now. I know I need to have some purposeful work that involves people. I know that I love where I live now, but could move again if need be...I am just in the middle of figuring it all out. My kids don't need me so much anymore and I don't want to latch onto their successess and life to find my own sense of value.
My dear friend at the restaurant gave me a book I just finished reading "Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn" by Kris Radish. Go get it if you are in this place with me. I did so much underlining and dog-earing of that book it is ridiculous. I have tried to say yes to life, but am not quite sure what I should be saying yes to right now. So...this is my current plan (because for some reason right now I seem to need one) I am going to start studying for the LSAT in August and plan take it in October. Do I want to be a lawyer? I'm not totally sure. How the hell would I get to law school (the closest being an hour and a half away) and raise my children while my husband is gone all week? I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know I can study for a test and give myself some options.
The other interesting thing is that I am feeling very anti-social. I want to sit in my own personal coccoon of self-reflection and navel gazing. Yesterday our good friends had a BBQ and I only stayed for about an hour. I explained it to Thane like this "I picture myself in the center of a circle with a big windshield wiper blade wiping everyone away from me - sometimes someone can get in, but pretty soon they'll need to leave me be when the blade comes by again". I know part of it is processing change. I have to ruminate and grieve it - yes, even if it was just a waitress job. There is a lot that goes on into working some place for so long and everyone know that a restaurant is a really disfuctional family. I divorced my family.
I do know one thing I am going to do for sure. Skinny dip at night at the local snowmaking pond. There's the end of the over-share.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Busy Couple of Weeks
So, it's been busy around here.
Summer has finally begun. The restaurant re-opened in mid-June at which point I realized I just hate being there. I hate being away from my kids at night and since Thane travels all week and I am busiest there on the weekends, I never see him. After a particularly bad night (filled with yoga nightmares from the Wanderlust festival at Stratton) I made the decision to quit. The next day I brought in my letter of resignation to a boss who looked both shocked and sad that I wasn't willing to work there anymore. But, when Xanax no longer dulls the pain of a job you hate, it's time to go. So, tonight is my last night and then I will hang up my apron after almost five years at Verde. I have been asked to do some design work for Thane's company and have a couple of houses I clean so hopefully it will all work out. It has to as my mental health was suffering.
Parrish has been climbing a lot. He is fortunate that one of his good friends has a father who is one of those crazy six-continent kind of climbers and he takes the boys climbing in the area. We have actually been getting along really well in part because I am loosening up and trying to let things go. I only have four more years with this child in my home - I want to enjoy him while he is here. Of course, I enjoy his sense of humor and how clever he is, apparently those traits come along with being a slob and argumentative. So be it.
Belle has had a good summer with her friends. Our good friends have a pool (the inground variety which is a real rarity up here) so we spend a lot of time over there because it FINALLY warmed up. We go to Dartmouth Hospital this week back to the developmental pediatrician for yet another evaluation. Her three year review for her IEP is in November and I want to make sure we have all our ducks in a row. Belle and I are also learning to golf at the Stratton golf school. I can't believe I am doing it, but it really is fun. And the clothes are cute!
Brenda, Parrish's school was not a "traditional" school, but more traditional than Montessori. That really was the best environment for him and he has fought tooth and nail about school since we moved. When I fix the printer I will scan his speech for Jim. I hope high school goes OK - I can't believe we are already heading there!
I am trying to figure out when I am going to drive down to Atlanta. I have my sporty new Subaru Outback (the state car of Vermont - I swear every other car here is a Subaru) and have been enjoying driving it. It is nice to not have to worry about car problems for awhile. The Honda was supposed to go for 200K miles, and died about a year and a half ago with only 166K. Living on a snowy mountain is really hard on vehicles. I swear I never thought so much about tires as I do now!
I miss hearing the monkeys at the zoo while I sat on my front porch on North Evergreen! I want to come back to Memphis for a visit.
Summer has finally begun. The restaurant re-opened in mid-June at which point I realized I just hate being there. I hate being away from my kids at night and since Thane travels all week and I am busiest there on the weekends, I never see him. After a particularly bad night (filled with yoga nightmares from the Wanderlust festival at Stratton) I made the decision to quit. The next day I brought in my letter of resignation to a boss who looked both shocked and sad that I wasn't willing to work there anymore. But, when Xanax no longer dulls the pain of a job you hate, it's time to go. So, tonight is my last night and then I will hang up my apron after almost five years at Verde. I have been asked to do some design work for Thane's company and have a couple of houses I clean so hopefully it will all work out. It has to as my mental health was suffering.
Parrish has been climbing a lot. He is fortunate that one of his good friends has a father who is one of those crazy six-continent kind of climbers and he takes the boys climbing in the area. We have actually been getting along really well in part because I am loosening up and trying to let things go. I only have four more years with this child in my home - I want to enjoy him while he is here. Of course, I enjoy his sense of humor and how clever he is, apparently those traits come along with being a slob and argumentative. So be it.
Belle has had a good summer with her friends. Our good friends have a pool (the inground variety which is a real rarity up here) so we spend a lot of time over there because it FINALLY warmed up. We go to Dartmouth Hospital this week back to the developmental pediatrician for yet another evaluation. Her three year review for her IEP is in November and I want to make sure we have all our ducks in a row. Belle and I are also learning to golf at the Stratton golf school. I can't believe I am doing it, but it really is fun. And the clothes are cute!
Brenda, Parrish's school was not a "traditional" school, but more traditional than Montessori. That really was the best environment for him and he has fought tooth and nail about school since we moved. When I fix the printer I will scan his speech for Jim. I hope high school goes OK - I can't believe we are already heading there!
I am trying to figure out when I am going to drive down to Atlanta. I have my sporty new Subaru Outback (the state car of Vermont - I swear every other car here is a Subaru) and have been enjoying driving it. It is nice to not have to worry about car problems for awhile. The Honda was supposed to go for 200K miles, and died about a year and a half ago with only 166K. Living on a snowy mountain is really hard on vehicles. I swear I never thought so much about tires as I do now!
I miss hearing the monkeys at the zoo while I sat on my front porch on North Evergreen! I want to come back to Memphis for a visit.
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